Thoughts on Surgery

I have never wanted to be a surgeon. I'm sitting here, reading about the anatomy of the brain and it reminded me of the time in Allied Health that I got to shadow the neurosurgeon. Most of the day was boring, until around 4:00pm, when a trauma patient was rushed in. If I recall correctly, he was a construction worker who fell off a ladder and landed on his head. This produced a subdural hematoma - a buildup of blood in the brain that was raising his intracranial pressure. This is life threatening, because if pressure in the brain raises too high, the brainstem gets pushed into the neck. You really, really do not want your brainstem (the thing controlling stuff like breathing) in your neck. The only way to relieve the pressure is to drill a hole in the skull and drain off the blood.

So, for about three hours (after a long school day, no less) I hovered at a safe distance and watched the surgeon cut into this man's skull, painstakingly dab all the blood out, and then replace the piece of skull and skin. I thought it was fascinating. But never once did it cross my mind "This is something I could do!" or "Wow, I want to be a surgeon." The thought never has really occurred to me - I think surgery is neat, but some its never seemed like something I could do or would want to do.

This is sometimes strange, because I think it sets me apart from a lot of my classmates. It is really not uncommon to hear someone talk about how they were relieved such and such class didn't matter towards surgery, or how types of surgery are different or how they really want to be X type of surgeon. Even more people haven't ruled it out as a possibility. I'm not really sure what drives people to chose this or least, what drives some of my classmates to it. Many of them are very outgoing people that seem like they'd be excellent dealing with patients. But really, my record with understanding other people's motivations isn't very good, so what do I know?

On sports

I've been considering getting involved in a new sport. Not a team sport, of course. I want something I can do whenever I feel like it, plus I'm just not aggressive enough to play team sports.

I'm not planning on quitting running anytime soon. In fact, I've got (very tenative) long term plans to run an ultramarathon in 2009. From observing my roommates, I should have plenty of time in the spring of fourth year to train for an ultramarathon. I'm going to continue my two marathons per year thing as well, but I want to add something new.

My two ideas so far have been triathlons and rock climbing. I like the idea of a triathlon because it's an endurance event and very similar in philosophy to running. I like competing against myself and the clock. I'm don't really care how I do in relation to other people - I mean, I usually figure out which percentile I was in, but I'll be unhappy if I'm in the top ten with a sucky time, but really happy if I PR and am at the bottom of the pack. The big problem I have with the triathlon is it involves swimming. I'm not a big fan of swimming. I can't see without my glasses or contacts (20/400 at my last eye exam and I've gotten worse since then), and contacts and water don't usually mix too well. I guess I could invest in a really good pair of goggles. I'm just not sure if I'll be able to make myself swim in the winter. I hate being cold as it is. I can swim - the one summer I had access to a pool, I used to do laps. I'm just not a big fan of getting my head wet.

Rock climbing is appealing because it doesn't involve water and works an entirely different set of muscles. However, it requires a partner and isn't just something you can do at any time. So...maybe. The gym I go to when I'm at home, has ways to find a partner and several of my classmates climb. I'm just not sure.

Other than this...I'm not sure what I can do. I'm not interested in yoga or pilates or tae-bo type stuff. I find lifting on its own boring. I guess I could just cycle, but if I don't have a goal to train for, I might as well just stick to running.

Twenty minutes until I can go to bed...

About the move....

So, I moved my blog. It was pretty easy actually - blogger lets you change the address. After I found a new name, I just hit republish and new blog. I thought about doing a historical theme to match the Benjamin Harrison name, but decided I'd go with a Spring theme instead.

Anyway, I moved because my family found my old one. It wouldn't have bothered me so much, except that a few weeks ago I specifically asked about this and didn't get an answer. I'm not quite sure how I figured out that they knew...some phrase from a phone conversation caught my attention. It was something I'd written and when I asked point blank, my father admitted it. Anyway, I got annoyed and moved the whole thing.

That's really it. Not really a big deal, but I got busy with that summative and then spring break.

Benjamin Harrison

"Born in 1833 on a farm by the Ohio River below Cincinnati, Harrison attended Miami University in Ohio and read law in Cincinnati. He moved to Indianapolis, where he practiced law and campaigned for the Republican Party. He married Caroline Lavinia Scott in 1853. After the Civil War--he was Colonel of the 70th Volunteer Infantry--Harrison became a pillar of Indianapolis, enhancing his reputation as a brilliant lawyer.

The Democrats defeated him for Governor of Indiana in 1876 by unfairly stigmatizing him as "Kid Gloves" Harrison. In the 1880's he served in the United States Senate, where he championed Indians. homesteaders, and Civil War veterans."

For the complete story click here.

TBA

An explanation is on its way. After this terrible exam.

FYI

Just so you know....you have until Friday to let me know.

**NOTICE**

I am changing my blog address. If you want the new URL, you need to reply to this post or IM (n methyl) me with your e-mail address. I will Not be posting the new address.

Scaife Hall

I think I finally figured out why I can't study in Scaife hall. It always feels like night there. There are no windows in the library, student lounge or the lecture halls. The PBL rooms, if you can find one, do have windows. But after sitting in lecture for three or six hours, I just can't take it. The whole school is dark and depressing. I miss Wash U and the courtyards/libraries with nooks. I can appreciate a good nook. Pitt is nook-less. Maybe I'll start including nooks as a criteria in my upcoming apartment search.

Retrospective

Sometimes I feel like medical school is eerily similar to undergrad.

When I first went to Wash U, I was coming out of a mid-size public high school. I was in the top ten of my class and had run varsity throughout my career. I was used to being good - never the best in my class, but solid. Wash U was a shock. Each year about 1/3 to 1/2 of the class is pre-med. And it's fierce. I remember sitting in class not understanding the questions other people were asking. Part of that was because I was half-asleep from dawn practice, but part of it was because I had never had AP chem/physics and wasn't interested enough to compensate on my own. Of course, the same thing happened with running. I will never be a national-level runner. That's just the way things are, but I couldn't help the team out and I felt very excluded. It seemed like I was out-classed in my entire life and it scared me. I didn't know anybody at all, and I am terribly shy when I meet a new group of people. I kind of responded by drawing away and going solo. Pretty much for an entire year.

Eventually, I got my act together and found activities and stuff that I enjoyed. Classes got more interesting, or at least, I found a group of people to suffer through them together with. By junior year I had hit my stride and got comfortable with my life.

Medical school seems very similar. I came in with all these grand plans of being outgoing (or at least, less shy) and finding a place and stuff. Of course, I got homesick, and collegesick, and missed everyone and was intimidated by my new classmates and pulled back again. I was out-classed academically, and worst of all, didn't have a niche. No group of friends, no jobs, no familiar profs, no favorite stores or running routes...nada. It was back to square one and I had forgotten how much that sucked over the last three years of undergrad.

Fortunately, things are coming together more quickly this time, I have a several good friends in the city. I have a job that I enjoy. And I feel like I might manage to integrate myself into the class a little better. I am torn over the extracurricular thing...Maybe I should get more involved with community service and the myriad of leadership roles in the school. But, I kind of just don't want to. I am giving up the lion's share of my summer to volunteering.

Also, I don't want to burn out. It seems like a lot of the "bad doctor" examples I've seen come from complacency and laziness. After years and years of training, people get tired, they get angry at the hours and constant demands and then they get sloppy. I'm in this for the long haul, so I am making time for myself. I refuse to stress out. This isn't just an excuse to slack off - although I don't think substituting a 12 hour day for a 16 hour day is that lazy - I really think that it's important to maintain outside hobbies and relax occasionally instead of working myself into the ground. So, that's why I'm training for my third marathon instead of spending afternoons at the free clinics.

Just suddenly felt like I needed to justify that to myself.

Goodbye, sweet shoes.

I think my running shoes are on their way out. I've started to get minor knee and foot pain, which is a sign that my shoes are losing their cushiony goodness. Good thing break is coming up - for some reason, all my best shoes come from the Sports Authority in Delaware. I don't know if it's a pysch thing or what. I've been less happy with my current pair of Sauconys than I was with my first pair. I'm not ready to give up on the brand, but a good sale could tip the balance. This is really the first pair of running shoes that hasn't lasted me an entire year. Of course, I've been marathoning in them, so there's a distinct possibility that I've crammed what used to be a year's worth of running into nine months.

My personal life continues to be unstable - I'm not sure if I am giving up or what at this point. I should probably just pass this block and then worry about it.